


Michael Makes an Entrance

by Kay49452



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bisexual Rich Goranski, Christine is a bean, Depression, Insecure Michael, Jake is a mess, Jealous Michael, Jeremy is a twink, M/M, Michael Mell Has Two Moms, Michael Needs a Hug, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Other, Recreational Drug Use, Rich is a bi mess, Seriously read warnings, Social Anxiety, They all need happiness, They're All Gay, Trans Michael Mell, boyf riends - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 20:04:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17835272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kay49452/pseuds/Kay49452
Summary: What is Michael had made a different desecion when Jeremy left him at the party. What if he decided that maybe Jeremy was right. That maybe a SQUIP wouldn't be so bad.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning! Triggers! Very self hateful thoughts and description of scratching (in form of self harm). Suicidal thoughts.

Michael wasn't sure exactly what had just happened. All he knew was he wasn't high enough for this shit. He had meant to help Jeremy get ride of his SQUIP. Or at least help Jeremy realize that maybe it was actually bad. He had even brought one of his bottles of Mountain Dew Red. As anyone could imagine, having a panic attack and a break down in a bathroom in the middle of a popular kid's party was not at all planned. Though, Jeremy calling him a loser and shoving him to the ground wasn't exactly part of the plan either. Michael pushed himself up off the ground, trying to hold back the tears. He couldn't break down here. Not with... with him still out there. Michael glanced at himself in the mirror.

"God, it's been so long since I've just been Michael in the bathroom, hasn't it?" he questioned out loud. He chuckled, but the sound held no true laughter. His eyes were red and puffy, and he still couldn't stop the tears. Oh well, he could just blame it on weed, right? After all, he was the weird, retro, always stoned loser everyone always talked about. Michael laughed again, but it came out like a choking sound. He needed to get out of here now. After his face was dry of course. He couldn't help the sob that ripped through his lungs this time. He put a hand over his mouth to muffle the sounds, but anyone who was actually listening could hear the cries. Not like anyone was actually listening. All anyone could hear was that drunk girls horrible singing that would ruin Whitney Houston's music forever. Michael felt his mood drop even more when he realized the joke he was about to make wouldn't be heard by anyone. Michael took a deep breath, once again trying to stop the tears. It wasn't working, obviously. It was then Michael heard the knocks on the door. He stepped away from the door quickly, and dug his nails into his palms to distract himself from crying. His back hit the wall and he slid down, trying hard to ignore the knocks. The knocks wouldn't stop, but neither would the tears. All Michael could think about was that one word that left Jeremy's lips. It kept repeating itself over and over again. He opened his hands to release the pressure of his nails and he stood to go to the sink. He threw some water on his face to calm him, not noticing the small blood trails coming from some of the crescent shaped marks in his palm. Michael went towards the door, planning to unlock it, when he realized that the knocking must have stopped just second ago. He glanced down at his hands and cursed. He hadn't even realized that he was bleeding. It had been so long since he's actually done anything like that. Jeremy was usually there to stop him, or to at least distract him from the thoughts he had. Or, if Jeremy couldn't be there- though that was extremely rare- he usually just got high. Though Michael did do that when Jeremy was there too. But neither or those were an option now. Michael continued to stare down at the blood. It hurt like Hell, he had decided. But it felt good, in a way. It kept the pain inside away, at least. And that was what he needed right now. A distraction. It was quite addicting. Michael pushed his nails into his palms again until he couldn't feel it. Then he pulled the sleeves of his shirt up a bit, and ran his nails up and down his arms unsurely. Slowly, he pushed down a little harder on his skin, until red lines were lined up and down his arms. Some were bleeding slightly, while other just glowed a nasty red. With each new skin breaking scratch, an old thought flew away.  _Jeremy calling him a loser._  Gone.  _He was right, of course. I am._  Gone.  _Why am I even still here? Nobody cares anymore._ He stopped dragging his nails on his skin at that thought. What was he thinking? Of course people still cared about him, right? Sure, Jeremy was going through a rough patch but he still cared.

"That's just wishful thinking," Michael said aloud. "He doesn't care anymore." Michael stared at himself in the mirror. Who did he think he was? He wasn't worth anything. He was just a weirdo who couldn't be happy in his own body. Why couldn't he be normal? Michael's eyes started welling up with tears again. He wasn't sure what happened, but next thing he knew, the reflection staring back at him was shattered and his knuckles were bloody. He stared down at his glass coved hands in surprise. Had he seriously just  _punched a mirror?_  How had he thought that was a good idea. Michael sighed and shook his head. He couldn't deal with that thought right now. He had to get this glass out of his hands. He searched the cabinet's for some gauze, or something to wrap his bloody hands and arms with. Michael wouldn't lie, he was grateful for the distraction right now. He found some gauze pads, ace bandages, and medical tape under the counter, and silently praised Jake on being such a huge athlete that his parent's had to be ready for anything. He quickly cleaned his hand and wrapped his arms, ignoring the thoughts trying to force their way into his mind.

 _Why are you even fighting? There's a nice big piece of glass over there. It'd be easy. You can go out with a bang and scare some poor drunk girl stuck at this lame ass party._  Michael shoved that thought out of his mind quickly, trying not to look at the large shard of glass right next to him. He had to get out of here. Now, before all of the thoughts came back. Michael tried to ignore the redness and puffiness of his eyes as he stood up and walked to the door. He took a deep breath as he opened the door and glanced out. No sign of Jeremy. Good. Michael sprinted to the front door. Before stepping out of the house though, he looked into the living room, on last time. He saw Jeremy sitting there, laughing with Christine. Michael walked out the door before he could start crying again. God, he was hopeless.  _Well, you are hopelessly in love with-_ He cut off his own thought. He couldn't torture himself with that right now. Or any of his thoughts, really. Michael found his PT Cruiser, and quickly started it up. He leaned back into the seat for a second, and let a tear track down his face. Then another, and another one after that. Eventually, they just wouldn't stop again. The words from his and Jeremy's fight started back up in his brain again, but there was only one that seemed to be repeating and repeating.  _I think you're just pissed that I have one and you don't._  Maybe... maybe Jeremy was right. Maybe the SQUIP wasn't so bad. Sure, that one kids brother went crazy, but that didn't mean everyone who got one went crazy. Jeremy seemed to be doing just fine, anyways. And maybe Jeremy would actually pay attention to him if... Michael opened his eyes suddenly, making what was probably the worst drunk mistake in his life. He slammed on the gas before he could change his mind, quickly driving home. He needed some cash after all. He was going to buy some 'shoes'.

* * *

Michael walked into the Payless, finding himself glad that it was always the last store to close in the mall. He fidgeted with his the wrap around his arms, ignoring the stinging coming from underneath it. Though secretly, he liked the stinging. It helped him ignore the sober voice in his head telling him this was a bad idea. He made sure his hoodie covered his arms completely though, not wanting to answer the dumb ass questions he was afraid people would ask. Michal made his way to the desk, relaxing when he saw it was the same guy who had sold Jeremy his SQUIP.

"Look, kid, we are about to close in five minutes. Just come back tomorrow." The guy must have noticed he was walking up and decided that he didn't want to deal with a customer right now. Michael huffed. He wasn't leaving here without a tiny computer pill. And God knows he would do anything to get it.

"This can't and won't wait till tomorrow." The guy looked up at Michael and squinted.

"Hey, you were with that one kid, weren't you? The really nerdy one." Michael nodded and pulled out his money. He slammed it on the counter.

"Four. Hundred. Freaking. Dollars. You know what I want," he simply said. The clerk looked at him suspiciously.

"Kid, are you drunk? I don't sell to anyone drunk or high. Are you sure-"

"Just give me the DAMN PILL!" Michael shouted, glaring at the shady man. The guy didn't move for a second, before he simply shrugged. He reached under the desk and pulled out a ladies running shoes box. He opened it and pulled out a gray looking pill.

"You know the warnings already. I'm not responsible, blah blah blah. Now get out of my store." Michael grabbed the pill, glanced at the guy, and quickly turned around. He quickly made his way out of the store, not wanting to press his luck. He couldn't believe that actually worked. It wasn't like Michael was that scary. If he was, he wouldn't even need this computer pill thingy. Michael sat down at one of the food court tables, and sighed. Now was the time. When he would walk into school tomorrow, no one would be thinking about how he was such a loser, or how he was so gay for anything that he did. No, they would be thinking about how cool he was, and how they all want to be his friend. He pulled out a bottle of regular Mountain Dew, and opened it. No going back now, he decided at he put the pill on his tongue. He took a drink of the soda and swallowed the pill in one gulp. He sat there for a second, thinking about how maybe this time it was a scam, when a sudden flash of pain went through his head. He let out a small yell of surprise when the pain didn't stop. He heard a voice, but couldn't tell what it was saying through the pain in his head. He grabbed at his hair, crying out as the pain increased. He barely had time to think that maybe this was a bad idea before he could finally understand the voice. A voice he knew all to well.

**Calibration complete. Michael Mell, welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor. Your SQUIP.**

Michael looked up, the pain in his head finally gone, and met the eyes of what he concluded was his SQUIP. But there was one problem.

The thing standing in front of him was also his Player Two, Jeremy Heere.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael meets his SQUIP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings- on purpose misgendering
> 
> Michael thoughts are in bold
> 
> SQUIP is underlined and italicized

Michael wasn't sure how long he had been sitting at the food court by now, just staring at the image in front of him. All of his thoughts immediately went from drunken slurs to one word. Jeremy. So of course, that was the first thing to come out of his mouth.

"Jeremy?" The... the thing raised an eyebrow as he looked at Michael. It's eyes raked over the boy's body, picking out every little detail. Michael squirmed under the look. Usually when someone looked you over like  _that,_ the look they gave you was purely sexual. This thing made it seem like he was judging every little detail of Michael's, even the black nail police that graced his perfectly manicured nails.

 _"Wow. I've got work to do,"_ the thing muttered. Michael cringed. Okay, maybe this really wasn't a good idea. The thing finally met Michael's eyes, and Michael almost fell out of his chair. Yeah, this was definitely in no way his friend. It's eyes were a bright, electrical blue, and Michael felt like those eyes could see straight through him. Which, he would bet, probably could. _"Well, Michelle Mell, you have quite the shitty life, don't you? I can see why you need me."_ That's what finally snapped Michael out of his trance.

"It's Michael," he immediately snapped. This SQUIP was not going to make him be who he was uncomfortable being. He decided then and there that if this thing wouldn't call him by the right name or pronouns, he was getting rid of it. Though, that is probably what he should do anyway. He almost reached into his bag and grabbed the Mountain Dew Red that was resting in there. Almost. The thing grinned, as though it had just won a battle.

 _"There we go. That got your attention."_ The SQUIP noticed the angry and hard look Michael was now giving him and shrugged. _"Listen kid, I honestly don't care what you are. I just need to make you more chill, and that would be easier if you weren't starring at me as though I have a second head. And don't talk out loud. Just think at me. No one else can see me, and I can't have people thinking you're crazy. My work will be for nothing if does."_ The Jeremy look alike raised an eyebrow at Michael as it sat down in the chair across from him. Okay, so this was really happening and Michael wasn't drunk. Or maybe he was. He should have just gone home and gotten stoned. Things would have been so much easier then. But Michael concluded that he was an idiot and this was his problem, so he needed to just roll with it. Michael crossed his arms, deciding to put his anger into feeling rebellious. And just think at the thing? How did that even work? He, admittedly, felt completely sober by now, so still being drunk was out of the picture. Michael focused on his thoughts, and tried to direct them at the SQUIP.

**"Look, I didn't need a sassy asshole to help me. If I needed that, I could have done this myself. I need something to help me get more popular and-"**

_"Help you get into Jeremy Heere's pants. Yes, I know,"_ the thing interrupted. Michael figured the thinking thing worked as he blushed, his whole face turning red. He almost denied it, but he knew this think would know if he was lying. Michael had to admit, that had not been on his mind at this very moment, but now it was. Maybe this thing could help him with that one little problem, Michael could admit that. But that didn't make this topic any less awkward. It was even more awkward hearing it come out of Jeremy's mouth. Michael opened his mouth to say something, but the SQUIP cut him off again. _"Listen, kiddo. Don't talk back. I know better than you, obviously, and I know what you want and I can get it for you. So just do what I say, and I'll get Jeremy to notice you."_ Michael scoffed. That was some sucky sales pitch there.

 **"Look, Tic Tac, I don't have to-** OW!" Michael cut himself off when he felt a jolt of electricity go through him. He glared at the thing across the table, and let all of his anger go in one simple sentence. "What the Hell, dude?"

 _"If you won't do it on your own consent, I will make you do it,"_ the SQUIP simply told him. Michael almost made a smart ass comment, but he felt another jolt go through him. _"Every time you ignore or talk back to me, you'll get a jolt quite like that one."_ The thing stood up, and motioned for Michael to do the same. As much as he would hate to admit it, Michael didn't want to get shocked again. He stood up warily. Maybe he had time to... He yelped again. God, this thing had no idea what mercy was, did it? As much as he liked a painful distraction from his feelings, he hadn't liked getting shocked like that. The SQUIP started walking to one of the last stores open, and Michael followed. When Michael hesitated in front of the small clothing store, he felt another jolt go through him. He yelped again, and walked into the store. _"Alright loser, let's pick you out some new clothes."_

 **"Hey, I'm not a loser,"** Michael argued, though his voice sounded weak. He knew perfectly well that he was a loser, and he knew that the SQUIP knew that he knew. The Jeremy look alike rolled his eyes at Michael as it grabbed a shirt from one of the tables. **"And sure, this Creeps shirt is a little weird, but my hoodie is perfectly fine."**

 _"Uh, yeah, no."_ The SQUIP threw a shirt into Michael's arms, then continued searching. _"That hoodie is what? Two years old? And as big as you are, that thing is still big on you. Your sense of style is completely terrible, and if I'm being honest, I'm not sure if even I can help you. No wonder Jeremy abandoned you."_ Michael's hands immediately went to his arms, suddenly remembering all his thoughts from the bathroom.

 **"Look, if you're trying to make me feel horrible about myself, then you don't really have to try that hard alright? Anything you tell me, I promise I've already told myself."** Of course, whatever the SQUIP would say, it would still hurt like Hell because it would be coming out of Jeremy's mouth, with Jeremy's voice. The SQUIP frowned, and turned to Michael. The boy ignored the computer and reached out a hand to grab a shirt, trying to go back to the original task at hand. They had to get this done soon, seeing as the mall was going to close in five minutes. But his SQUIP seemed to have other plans.

 _"Lift the arms of your shirt,"_ the Jeremy look alike demanded.

**"Can't we just go back to looking for-**

_"Do it."_ Michael saw no other way around this. He lifted his shirt sleeves, and looked away. He didn't want to look at those bloody bandages, sure, but he really didn't want to remember how good it had felt to get ride of his thoughts that way. He had stopped hurting himself a long time ago, when Jeremy had realized what he was doing. Sometimes, Michael was glad Jeremy had found him in his bathroom- bleeding, crying, and probably looking like an overall baby- but other times he wasn't. Michael pulled down his sleeves, and reached for the shirt again.

**"Look, it doesn't matter, okay? No one but Jeremy ever cared anyways."**

_"This makes things a little more complicated."_ Michael decided to ignore that comment.

**"You're in my head. How did you not know about this?"**

_"I didn't have time to look at your whole life story! Besides, you blocked some memories out of your brain. I can't reach those."_ Michael glared at his SQUIP.

 **"Let's just keep looking for clothes. It'll keep my mind occupied, and help you complete whatever task your trying to accomplish here,"** Michael said, ignoring the computer's pitying look. He didn't want to deal with that right now. It was to much. **"Besides, this place is about to close and I have school tomorrow."**

 _"Yeah, Hell no. You are not going to school until those cuts on you arms are healed and you sense in fashion is... updated."_ Michael raised an eyebrow at his SQUIP. Was Jeremy's this annoying? Did it pester him like this to no end? Should Michael just go and drink that bottle of Mountain Dew Red in his backpack? But the boy realized that if he wanted Jeremy back as at least a friend, then he needed this dumb ass thing. So as much as he hated to do it, he just bit back any smart ass remark he had and decided to just go with the flow.

**"Fine. Whatever. We can come back here tomorrow then."**

_"Good plan._ " Michael set down all the shirts that had ended up in his arms, and made his way out of the store. There was no point in getting kicked out in a few minutes if they were just coming back tomorrow. It wasn't easy to ignore the dirty look the cashier was giving him- seriously it looked like she was trying to get him to internally combust- but he managed to walk out of the store without exploding. _"Now, let's talk about your new exercise ritual."_

**"Hell no."**

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Next chapter should be posted soon! The chapters I have done are posted on my Fanfiction.net, but they should all also be on here soon. Comments and kudos are appreciated!


End file.
